Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore–
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over–
like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

By Langston Hughes

The link to my post trials interview with runnerspace

Four years is a long time to wait for anything. After 2008 in China, I thought long and hard about what I wanted the next four years to mean. I didn’t want to just make an Olympic team and I didn’t want to feel the disappointment of getting to the big show and under performing. Making the team was the greatest feeling I’ve ever felt and only fueled my desire for more.

Up until that point, every major life decision had been influenced by track: where I went to school, what I ate, where I lived, where I worked, everything I did. I didn’t see a reason for it to stop, I had had a lot of success. So, I continued to put track first.

2009 was a good year for me the following year. I had a PR and successful summer trip in Europe, compeiting against some of the top talent in the world and still competing well. Maybe even beating a few of them along the way making me feel like I was finally finding my throw. However, as my coach’s health became in question, and he was unable to continue to work with me, I needed to find a new situation.

2010 there was a lot of new: new state, new training, new philosphies to try to adopt. I threw everything I had into the hammer and left nothing for myself… but the gamble didn’t work. I was miserable outside of track, inside, and my throwing was suffering.

It was a set back throwing, physically, and yes, mentally. Feeling so strong, putting so much in to be knocked down so far was a blow. I felt lost, but I needed it. I needed to learn the importance of taking care of myself outside of track in order to move forward on the field. I was ignoring that part too long, saying that being unhappy was okay as long as I was throwing far.

2011 was my chance to find myself again. I returned home to CSU to where I first picked up the hammer. Coach Bedard knew he would play more mentor and counselor than anything, but happily accepted me back. It was apparent immediately, I needed to fix a lot of things off the track before it would get better on.

It was a hard year to say the least. It was worse than starting over because I wasn’t starting level, but digging myself out of a hole. I was learning to compete again, learning to believe in myself, and trying to get the pieces of my life outside of track together. Instead of building, I was rebuilding.

This year was getting back on my feet, shaking off the dust and preparing to fly. Where I felt like I should have continued building from such a successful 2009 and be gearing up for winning trials and trying for a medal, this year was about finding my stride, my throw, and making the team.

It was a hard year, but I think I finally found a balance around January. I had a new job that allowed for training and actually paid enough that my biggest stress wasn’t which bill to pay and which could wait and I was happy in my regular human life. lol With the support of my club, NYAC, and a grant from America for Gold, there felt like there was a real chance again.

My training the last few weeks and my competitions were finally coming together. I was consistent and every throw teetered on the edge of breaking through. My missed throws were quickly becoming better than my best the previous years… I just needed more time.

Suddenly four years turns into a few weeks, to a few days, to a few minutes.

I know I had no reason to be as optomistic as I was, but I believed with everything inside that I would show up and not only PR but finally be the thrower I knew I was, not just make the team but fight for the American Record and be one of the top throwers in the world.

It had been hard to swallow the defeat and preceived failures of previous years, watching others grow while I dug to get back on my feet.

Even until my last throw that landed in the net, I felt like every throw was going to be the one, the throw I had waited for years for was going to come.

It’s hard not making the team again, not living up to what I felt I could and should. However, in 2008, I didn’t want to just make the team and this year it would have been like that.

I still think I’m a 75m thrower, it’s like I’m on the crest of greatness and at any moment I will finally get over the hump and it will happen. I still love hammer throw, I still love going out there every day and trying to figure it out, to be better.

It’s just hard waiting another four years for the chance.

Right now in Colorado, there is a sort of teasing type weather for about two months.  We’ll get some beautiful sunny days around 50, and then snow and ice, then we’ll gets some beautiful sunny days at 60′s and then snow and ice, and this trend will continue through early April.  It’s been a mild enough winter that I have been able to throw outside 2-4 days a week consistently, but those days are typically cold and windy, and some straight up miserable.

That being said, I’m done with the effing snow and cold and ready for the sunshine!  I am so pale right now, I need to work on my suntan and get my track tan lines back.

So training, what have I been doing, how have I been doing?  I’ve gotten a lot of questions lately, so I figured I’d try to talk about some of them in here.  I’m so behind on updating my blog and website… anyway, let’s begin.

So what’s happening in my life:

I’ve moved to Colorado Springs and started working as a coach at CrossfitSoco in January and subbing at Atlas Prep (junior high charter school aimed at at-risk youths).  Why another move?  Working at the bank with my schedule, I was unable to pay my bills, going deeper in debt every month and still didn’t have the time/energy I needed to dedicate to training (I was unable to see my coach for weeks at a time).

My support environment in Colorado Springs is amazing.  I’ve made a lot of friends and have people who support me.  I have a place to train (my lifting/conditioning/specific strength/drills) at my gym I coach at which is over 6,000 sqft, I have time to for training and recovery (barely had time for one and the other was non-existent before), and as the weather gets better, I will have to time to drive up and see my coach and may even find a few spare dollars to afford chiros.

Overall, I’ve moved so much trying to find the right training environment.  I know there is no perfect place, but I’m happy and I have time for training and competitions (remember last year flying in at 2am the day before a competition or flying in on the day?…) and I have a furniture right now!!!  I have my very own bed.

Training/Fitness/Strength:

I’ve tried many different types of training and lifting and had varying degrees of success and failures.    After coming off of a dismal season and injuries in 2010, I decided the lifting heavy and hard every day approach was not for me.  Also, I’m not 20 any more and I needed to maximize the most out of my workouts.  I needed a sniper approach and not a shotgun.  I needed to be strong enough, but more importantly, I needed and wanted specific strength and speed that would actually benefit my hammer and not just look good on paper.

I feel like I’m really stepping into this fitness wise.  Sam Lewis of NorcoCrossfit (former D-II football player, CF-L1 cert, and masters in sports science) writes my programming along with my influence and input.  In the fall, I did very general fitness.  This past winter, I’ve been going through a “strength” phase which mostly consists of me doing two days a week “metcons” or metabolic conditioning (think of specific and special strength exercises, light to med weight fast and explosive) and two days a week with an Olympic/plyo movement and heavy leg like squat/ft. squat/or deadlift.

So what have my results been?:  I’m the fittest I’ve ever been in my life so far….  My core strength is right where it needs to be, my specific and special strength is where I like it to be, and my speed is good and will grow as I move into that phase.  This past week I found my heavy sets for snatch, clean, back squat, and front squat.   I don’t do a lot of heavy singles, so I went in not knowing what to expect.  For snatch, the most I’ve every attempted was 77.5k and after getting 80k easily, I went on to try 90k just barely missing it.  Clean, my all-time best was 240lbs (also weighing about 200lbs at the time) now 15lbs lighter, I cleaned 245lbs!

So, my training is working, I’m gaining explosive strength and fitness without hurting myself and driving myself into the ground.  I feel like my strength and fitness program is complementing my throwing and not getting in the way.

Training/Throwing:

I just got back from a great week of training in AZ with Kibwe, Martin, and Sultana.  It was nice to actually throw with people for a change, as I have been mostly doing this alone.  There have been some high’s (I’ve put some videos up of some of my better throws) and naturally some lows.

Throwing alone and throwing cold isn’t the best combination, but I’ve made the most of things.  My gym I workout is big enough for me to do drills inside, throw med balls and such, and my more open schedule allows for me to throw twice a day.

As I move into my speed, my light balls are going to take off, my heavy are right where I want them already out throwing my best from last year.   Some of my best marks in training have been (49m- 6k, 60m-5k, 69m-4k).

So as I move into outdoors, which very well may be my last, I am happy with my hard work and my focus.  I’m ready to do great things.   I’ll get around to updating my website that will include my meets I will compete in and also give an update to what I’m doing in training.  As always, I hope the best for those who are training and feel free to shoot me emails and messages with questions and always appreciated cheers!

Don’t call it a come back, I’ve been here for years!

But it started me thinking.  Perhaps this idea, those feelings are foreign to them.  How can someone possibly understand the depths of an emotion for something when they have never experienced it or have only a shadow to compare to it.  And then this got me thinking on my own training… As many of you know, I spend a lot time (too much?) in reflection, observation, and correlations.

I’ve decided it comes down to passion vs. interest.

There are many things people find interesting.  People love trying new things, meeting new people, picking up a new hobby.  Keeping life interesting adds fun and entertainment to life.  There are many hobbies I myself have tried to my hand at and some I was pretty talented at or enjoyed.  Some I invested some time into and money.  I painted, sculpted, sewed, knitted, tried snowboarding, bouldering/climbing, basketball, volleyball, softball, writing, and recently picked up an interest in guns… (just for the zombie apocalypse)

This is one of the best Christmas gifts ever! Now I'm ready to fight zombies

You can really enjoy your interests, be good at your interest (I’ve known talented all-american and top level athletes who just have a mild interest in what they do), and even dedicate time, energy and money in the pursuit of an interest.  But with interests, there’s only so much invested…  with interest, happiness or enjoyment is the most important thing you seek and it is what propels you.  So, you can get bored and walk away from it, when you come up to obstacle or set back you can walk away, you can really like it but if it feels like more work than fun you no longer enjoy it.  In the end, an interest is a passing phase or hobby to occupy time and you’re content with it.  Yes, it brings you some joy and it offers only mild disappointment.   There’s nothing wrong with interests.

Interest is safe and this is where most people stop.   Some  people have never moved beyond interest in anything in their lives.  They enjoy doing something but they wouldn’t cry about, when things feel too hard or life gets in the way they quit, they wouldn’t risk everything or sacrifice for it… so of course they can’t understand those who do.  But on the other hand, they’ll never experience the depths of emotions they could…

Passion is a double edged sword, giving as much as it’s getting…

There is a reason people rise to the top of their fields, no matter the area: sports, business, work, family life, music, whatever the pursuit.  I believe what separates these people is passion.

Passion is more than an interest.  It’s desire, dedication, drive, a hunger that propels you.  It’s more than about seeking pleasure or reward for the pursuit is the pleasure and is the reward.  When passion drives you, there is very little that stops you.  You get knocked down and again and again you stand back up.  There are no excuses, there is nothing to stop you, there is only the desire for the pursuit, for the finish.  Sacrifice and pain go hand in hand with unparalleled joy at times.  The only people who can truly understand passion are those who’ve experienced for themselves.  What have they loved so deeply, felt so intensely, or sacrificed so greatly for?

I have a passion for hammer throwing…  It feels silly and there are those who don’t understand why.  How can a 4k ball mean so much?  Do you get paid?  Are you famous?  is it fun? What do you get out of it?…

My passion for the hammer stems from it being the hardest thing I’ve ever done.  The pursuit is more than just a medal, prize money, a place in history… it’s the pursuit of conquering myself, seeing into the depths of what I am capable, knowing a world and life that I will never experience again.  It tests all things, my commitment, dedication, resilience, faith…

Every decision I’ve made in the last 13 years of my life has been influenced by my sport… where I went to school, what major or classes I took, where I lived, where I worked, how I spend my time, what I eat, what I do…  There are times that I feel lost or wonder what I’m doing.  There are times I feel the hard sting of failure or loss.  There are times when I question every decision I’ve made.  It hurts more deeply, failure and disappointment felt that much more acutely…

However, there are times when I feel things I can’t describe, an understanding of myself, a joy, a realization, an epiphany of sorts.  An inch in practice or a revelation brings an exuberance rarely felt.  I’m more knowledgeable of myself and my capabilities.  I know of what I am capable and who I am because I am tested and brings a confidence that will always be with me…  I’ve learned to “enjoy” (or at least appreciate) the process the good with the bad.

When I think back on making the Olympic team in 2008, the emotions running through me at the time are hard to explain…  I cried feeling a joy I have no words for because I had never felt anything like it… eight years of sacrifice, dedication, pain, choice, hard-work, blood sweat, tears and then all of that piled into one moment of accomplishment of the realization that I did it.  It meant more because of what I gave.  I wasn’t given a spot on the team, I earned it, I fought for it, it was mine and no one could take it away….

My passion still drives me, though I’ve had some rough few years, I still choose this everyday.

All the greats had this passion in their pursuits in life.  This is why we love to watch, to read, to know about this great figures in history isn’t it?   To taste that passion or see it personified?    John Wesley, a Christian theologian, once said, “When you set yourself on fire, people love to come and see you burn.” Passion can be so painful at times, but so beautiful at others…

And after I retire, I would like to take some time and enjoy some new pursuits and interests.   Hammer will have served its purpose and will always be with me.   But think I will find a passion for something else, a new test of sorts to grow as person…  But I know I need passion in my life, I couldn’t imagine a life without it (the good and the bad).  Why would anyone want to?

The other day while throwing, I barely realized that it had warmed up to nearly 18 degrees (-7.9 celsius) that morning (rising almost ten degrees from the 8 it was when I was looking out the window into the gloomy cloudy, yet somehow still dark at 7 in the morning skies…

In 18 degrees, EVERY THROW HURTS PERIOD.  It sucks.  My fingers hurt on the release, my body is stiff, I can’t feel my toes, the only thing I feel in my fingers is the pain, my nose is running, my throws don’t go very far, I slip in the ring as I tread in ice and snow, I’m slipping on snow with every step to get my hammers and it takes twice as long to retrieve using twice as much energy and I keep thinking this might be a waste of time before I settle in and focus and actually get some work done.

The truth is, we have to throw in a variety of conditions.  We throw in extreme weather whether it be heat, humidity, cold, rain, wind, etc.  Over the years, I’ve learned to train in those conditions.  Because it really is possible to train in almost any condition if you have the right mental preparedness.  (Because honestly, it can be a waste of time too.)

As I write this, I look back at my experience in training and competing in different environments and how I’ve dealt with them, mistakes I’ve made, and things to keep in mind.  I’ve thrown in temperatures almost a hundred degrees in difference from 18 to 115 from dry, to rain, to humidity.

Rain, Rain and more… effing Rain:

When I first started training in Oregon, I lived with my good friend Cari Soong on an air mattress in her room for almost two months.  She was nice enough to let me borrow her bike to ride almost two miles every morning to Hayward Field to practice.  Except this was December and so that meant temperatures in the 30′s every day and rain.  Yes, rain every day and puddles.  So riding a bike meant a wet butt at practice, but it didn’t matter because we’d be out there for almost two hours and then we’d lift after so pretty much everything else would be wet too…

But that’s what we did.  We practiced.  The ring would be wet, so we learned to control ourselves as to not slip and die, but of course falls were inevitable,but we quickly got over our fear.  I know now, I can go into any meet that’s raining and throw full speed.

A funny thing to add, I remember when I first moved to AZ and practices were actually canylceled because of rain.  I remember thinking, if we canceled because of the rain, we’d never throw in Oregon!  However, while throwing at MCC the field was flooded and we had to wade through the water to grab our hammers.  That was like throwing on an island (the ring) and going out to sea (the field) it was actually pretty fun!

Heat I Tell You!

I love throwing in warm sunshine.  When I moved to AZ and the winters meant 70 and 80′s I was ecstatic!  Even when it warmed up to the 90′s and low 100′s, it was still manageable.  But as soon as it hit over 110 and 115, it was just too damn much.  I’d leave the air conditioner on 80 degrees in the house and it felt nice because it was 30 degrees cooler than outside!  I’d step out of my house at 5 or 6 in the morning and it was 90 degrees already.

Heat can be so draining.  You’re constantly thirsty, the air is so dry and it’s so hot.  By the time you walk out to get your hammer, the handles burn your hand.  I would strip down to my shortest shorts, sports bra, and chug an entire 64 oz water bottle in the first half hour of training and not only would I be exhausted, one time I had to leave while throwing at PVCC because I was nauseous and dizzy (early signs of heat stroke anyone?)

We canceled practice one day at Eugene because early spring we got a heat wave and it jumped to 90 and I was trying to train at 11am one morning in the middle of a sand throwing area in 115!  Not smart.

On top of that is when you add in humidity.  Not even sweat saves you at this point.  You just feel sticky and tired and it’s hot and did I mention that it’s hot?!  I’ve competed in 95% humidity and 95 degrees and sunshine which is like wearing  a down ski coat, drinking a hot cocoa, sitting next to a fire IN HELL!

Sweep you right off your feet, WIND:

Wind can be a throwers friend if you know how to use it, if it’s blowing in the right direction, and you’re a discus thrower.  Otherwise, these high winds we get out here can make throwing with four turns almost impossible when a tail wind as each steps blows you twice the distance or like throwing into a wall when a strong head wind… you just don’t move forward.  Throwing in high wind conditions almost always sucks.

But when you throw cold in there, it’s down right miserable.  The wind gets through your layers so fast and you just can’t get warm, it harder to throw in 30′s and wind than 20′s and sunshine!

Speaking of Freezing!:

So as I started this rant, yes, I threw the other day in 18 degrees, but on average I had been throwing in the 20′s.  When I had the afternoon off work the other day I threw in 34 and that was down right toasty!

When I first moved back to Colorado, I remember coming from the AZ heat of 100′s and it was about 58 degrees and I was freezing and asked when we moved indoors to train. Now, because of my practice times, I don’t have access to train indoors and throw in everything but ice.  (This morning it was 5 degrees and we just got about 5 inches so I’ve missed the last two days of throwing at CSU).  We didn’t get snow in Oregon and I remember we got about 1-2 inches and the town seemed to shut down.  Now, I don’t even blink.

Do’s and Don’ts of Throwing in Extreme Weather:

• Do Throw in All reasonable weather:  It might be raining in London, you don’t want your fear of slipping to hold you back.  Plus, training in all different types will prepare for competing.  The weather in Brazil is different from China, from Cali, from Oregon or Colorado.  You want to be able to do your best and that takes practice… even practice of staying in control and focused in different weather.
• Do Layers:  Always have light layers in almost any condition.  If it’s raining, you can always peel off layers as they get soaked to avoid getting too wet.  If it’s cold you can add light layers so you don’t start sweating and then start freezing.  If it’s really hot, a light breathable fabric is actually better than just naked skin believe it or not
• Don’t Over Layer:  You still need to practice, so if you are wearing too many layers and heavy restrictive fabric like a rain coat or winter coat, you’re not going to be able to throw.  Also, as you throw, you heat up and start to sweat, sweating can actually make you more cold.  So I suggest an under t-shirt, a long sleeve layer, then a sweat shirt.
• Do cover your ears and other hand:  When it’s cold, wear something on your ears weather a hat or ear warmer, it makes a huge difference.  Also, don’t be afraid of wearing a glove on your non-glove hand.  If your fingers hurt, it can throw off your technique.
• Do put ribbons on your hammers:  Throwing in the snow means buried hammers, don’t be afraid to tie some brightly colored ribbon or marker tape on the hammer to find it faster in the snow.
• Don’t Throw on Ice:  You’re tough, but hurting yourself is stupid.  You can throw insnow, but if the ring is icy you can’t throw.  We cover ours with a tarp to keep the water and snow off to avoid ice or put something on it to melt it away.
• Don’t sweep the water out:  If it’s raining, it’s actually better to throw in a puddle than a slick layer of wet.  Just leave the water in and have fun splashing!
• Do bring an umbrella: If it’s too hot (not for the rain you pansy, just suck it up, you’re going to get wet).  When it’s really hot that sun is no joke.  You’re out there for almost two hours.  Just keeping the sun off you when you’re waiting in line or grabbing hammers will make a big difference.
• Do wear sunblock:  Always always weather it’s cloudy, cold, rainy, or 115.
• Do throw near grass:  I learned in AZ throwing in area near grass is better than throwing in an area surrounded by track or sand.  If you have the options… just saying.
• Do bring extra socks in the rain:  I already spoke about layers.  You can peel off layers as they get soaked, but your shoes will just be wet.  So if you go to lift after, having an extra pair of socks in your bag is nice
• Don’t throw in lightening:  Be smart, you can’t throw in rain but as soon as it’s lightening… where do you think in a flat field and a giant metal cage the lightening will strike?

And finally, Do pay attention to your body and your throwing:  If you’re prepared and focused, there’s actually a lot you can get accomplished in almost any environment.  You may have to slow down, not throw a PR that day, need to drink more water, take less throws, or just settled on being uncomfortable.  Focus on what you’re trying to do and not how uncomfortable or miserable you are.  However, if your training is just sucking, you’re feeling bad, or it seems like a waste of time, just stop.  It’s okay to miss a day.  Of the the thousands and hundreds of throws, missing 15-30 won’t kill your training but a hard fall resulting in something broken or sprained, a pulled muscle, heat stroke, etc can make a difference.

I guess Christmas is almost here…  I got everyone the same thing so they wouldn’t fight over it… nothing.  I’ll be doing something this year that I always love.  Throwing and then crying alone… I mean, not crying, googling on the internets.  Bah humbug.  But for those who celebrate and are with their families, Happy Holidays and Happy Throwing!

Many people are familiar with the sport side of track and field.  In fact, this being an Olympic year, exposure and interests is only sure to grow and peak.  However, something that many people may not be familiar with is the business side of track and field, the part away from the track.  I know when I came to my first annual meeting in 2005, I didn’t understand anything.  It seemed to hover around almost complete chaos!  There were meetings, committees, people gathering in almost every room and corner of the hotel trying to find a way in which they believed to move the sport forward.

I learned about the different components of USATF.  There was the side I was familiar with, the elite athletes, our competitions, but there was so much more such as youth athletes, masters, disabled, officials, associations, coaches, sponsors there were places where rules were put in place and voted, laws passed, decisions on how we spent our funding to where we would have our next championships.  This is my 7th annual meeting and I still am learning something new every year and trying to  navigate myself through the different components.

So on to my review and thoughts of the annual meeting

Meeting Highlights:

At this meeting there was an open forum like we’ve never had.  We had speakers for the USATF, IAAF, and our major sponsors together in a room for an open discussion.  Things were tense from the beginning to say the least where we were told of the importance and warned of delicate nature of the meeting.  The biggest issue on the table was our uniforms and our rights to do what we want with them and our bodies during meets.  I know there’s been a lot of controversy lately with Nick Simmons and Lauren Fleshman, but this is something that has been nagging at our sport for years.

The problem we have as athletes is there are a lot of us representing a very large sport and we all have wants and needs and something to say.  So, we started by listening to the panel of guests first and learned why there are exclusivity on a shoe companies uniform, we heard from meet directors about the state of our sport (which spoke about meets being canceled all over Europe), we heard from IAAF about a new uniform change, and we heard from track and field that simply said they enforce IAAF rules when they don’t need to and it was an unwritten policy not a rule basically.

As the athletes start to ask questions, there are some who are very personal, some whose feelings were hurt by the discussion, some who were angry and obviously had an agenda, some who were passionate about seeing positive change, some who had questions not about handouts and wanting more but how we in that room could grow the sport.  About 10 minutes into the discussion, it was discovered it was being streamed online and all hell broke loose as people were getting up and leaving, people asked/ made to leave, people yelling at one another and then we closed the doors and had a closed meeting.  However, there were those who came back to the meeting and it resumed.

While some good things were being said and good questions asked, I didn’t feel like we got good enough answers about how to change the model.  If we’re losing meets and barely surviving on funding, why are we doing the same old things?  How can we turn the number one participated sport in the world into more of a media base?  Why are there stock models used in advertising when we could be used?  What is track and field doing to help promote us?  IAAF? Sponsors?

Overall, I think the meeting would have been more productive with a smaller base and more thought out questions.  Instead  of someone coming on the mic to say his feelings are hurt, we needed focus.  It may be an opportunity we don’t have again.  However, the IAAF is allowing private sponsors to be shown on the right shoulder during competitions, so as long as you don’t have an exclusivity deal, you can take advantage of that.  Also, the athlete resolution has passed that at domestic meets there are no more sponsorship or size restrictions for our uniforms!!!  So, um, which sponsor out there would like to step up and sponsor the world’s favorite hammer thrower?!?

Another positive change we saw was the athlete representation in meetings that directly affect us.  Like I said, track and field is made up of a lot of entities and while everyone wants to see the sport progress and succeed, everyone has a different idea on how to do that.  Right now, the athletes have 20% attendance during the different meetings like development, rules, laws, association, coaches, officials, youth, masters etc.  So when there are changes within this part of the organization, we can make sure our voice is heard.  However, we felt it was important to have an even stronger voice in the areas that affected us the most especially when money and teams were involved.  So we are happy to announce the AAC now has 25% voting in key meetings with the help of key support within the organization such as the youth group, etc.!

Some other highlight from our AAC meetings were the addition of another Tier (Tier 4) to help additional athletes with funding this year.  Some tips for athletes.  1. Renew your USATF membership   Many people don’t know that having that is your accident insurance so if you get hurt training or competing you will pay a small fee and the rest of covered!  2.  There are many resources on the usatf.org website.  visit it.  There is info on USADA, funding, teams, jobs, grants, etc.  3.  Athletes need to sign up for the TFAA, our athlete union if you want to see additional positive growth in our sport!

Types of Attendees:

As an event leader, I want to see my event well represented to make sure our voice is heard and to grow my sport.  I am constantly trying to encourage us..err.. veterans as well as new faces or “rookies” coming up to learn about and personally invest in their sport.  I truly believe that is only way to grow our sport is to start at the roots with understanding how and why decisions are made.

So at our annual meetings you see a certain mix of athletes/attendees.  There are the people who have been coming for a while and this sport is their passion.  You can see it in the meetings, their questions, comments, hear the side conversations in hallways and elevators.  They teem with ideas and solutions to grow our sport, move it forward either in parts or in whole.  These attendees you see in the meetings whether they be athletes, parents, coaches, associations, committees, board members, volunteers are the pulse that runs our sport.

We get a few types of new attendees I’ve observed.  There are the new people who are curious and uncertain.  They can easily get overwhelmed with the sheer information and vast size of the organization.  I know from experience how that can be.  These new faces either find their niche, choose to come another year to try to understand a little better or get burned out feeling helpless, apathetic, or useless and don’t come again.

There are also those who come to the annual meeting because of a personal goal, either something has happened to them or they want something to happen for them and have heard the annual meeting is where change is initiated.  You see them show up guns blazing and then if nothing happens or it doesn’t happen fast enough many of them never come again.

However, things are changing, and there was evidence of that this weekend with the athletes voice having an even stronger presence in our sport and the allowance of us to find additional sponsorship and represent them.  However, it’s not all about this level of making the change, we need to help facilitate it where we are.  We need to be out in communities representing our sport, giving people a reason to care about us, we need to take advantage of different media platforms to grow our sport, and on top of that we need to be successful.  That doesn’t always mean breaking world records, but it does mean we need to stop saying meets are terrible and we did bad even when we won… We can control perception of ourselves and our sport.

We Are Track and Field, so the success lies on everyone’s shoulders… even those who are behind the scenes like we see at the annual meetings.  Great job guys!

Sunday afternoons are some of my favorite times to train.  During the week, I’m constantly racing the clock to get to work, to get to training, to hurry and wait; my time is precious but it’s not mine.  Sundays I have the day off, I’m rested, I feel good, there’s no pressure or expectations.  The track is quiet, not full of the college students or fear of the ticket people and I’m in no hurry to rush to work, or rush to something else.  It’s just me, my hammer, and the circle. (And on most Sundays, I’m joined by my training partners who also enjoy training at its purist.)  It’s the pleasant Sunday afternoons that remind me why I do what I do.  My focused is almost like meditation, I problem solve,  I don’t think about how I’ll pay the bills or work or the stresses of my personal life, I just feel the throw.

This last Sunday was the first time I’ve gone over 67m with the 4k since I’ve started fall training.  It was an easy rhythm day and I decided to see how well things held together if I tried to be a little more aggressive.  I throw so much heavy and know those marks are where I’d like them to be and are growing, it’s nice to actually see my comp hammer go too.  I’m pleased with my progress and I think it’s testament of how things are going and how they will go the rest of the year.

Just a little throw in the snow

Learning to feel more and over think less is something that I’ve struggled with the last few years and something I’ve been addressing.  When left to my own devices, I will deconstruct the throw in its entirety to the point I can’t even get four turns and a release at times

I’ve simplified a lot of my training this year and corrected many of the problems I think have plagued me in years past.

1.  Listening to my body:  I do what I am told and what is expected.  If you tell me I should take 100 throws a day and lift 800lbs for 5 hours, 7 times a week, I will probably try to do it.  When my body starts to feel tired, I push harder trying to over come tiredness, soreness, and pain.  There’s a reason why I have a metal rod in my left leg…  I’ve made several mistakes of not listening to my body.    So coming off my break and feeling so good and seeing how well things were going, I knew I needed to make changes.  I’m not 21 anymore.  I’m making an effort not to over train, to take time off and not feel like I’m being lazy and know when to do active recovery instead of adding more training in.  This year, while I’m being more vigilant of this, I’m working with people who respect that and trying to be smarter of how I balance work in this equation unlike last year…

2.  Going back to the basics training/lifting/fitness:  I know how I feel when I’m throwing my best.  It’s not pure strength that I need, it’s athleticism and yes, rest.  There’s a certain strength I feel when I’m throwing far and it’s not always found in the weight room.  I can get strong and get fast, but I burn out very quickly.  I know this, some of my best years are when I get hurt and am forced to rest.  So I’m not a machine in the weight room.  Knowing my time and my energy, this is better spent elsewhere.  I lift “heavy” once a week with a various squat (front,back,OH) or dead and it’s typically just one lift on that day.  I focus on Olympic lifting once a week with a heavy/intense Olympic lift and again, it’s typically one lift on that day.  And then I train my overall conditioning (fitness, strength, power, speed, etc.) with shorter Met Con training twice a week which consists of moving mostly med weight quickly.  These days I get my general fitness, core strength, balance, agility, conditioning, different type of overall strengthening, etc.  When I feel more fit, explosive and fast, I throw better.

I get my specific strength through heavy implements.  I’m throwing the weight (yes, like a hammer), 16lbs, 6k, and 5k.  When I’m feeling strong and put together with my heavy hammers, I know the 4k will fly.  I also use puds, plates, and bars to get the specific strength in my training as well.

Last year, in the fall when I was throwing far my heavy hammers were going well.  I was throwing the 5k around 57-58m.  During the season, I got away from doing as much heavy, wanting to go light and fast.  My 4k started to finally take off later in the season as I was moving into my peak, but I was lacking specific strength in the sense my 5k was only going 52-55m.  My furthest throw last year with 4k was just over 68m… if I could have kept my specific strength better, I think that would have helped.

So yes, I realize I’m limited with time and energy and I think using heavy implements are a better and more efficient way for me to get my hammer fitness.

This is where I change most morning after practice before rushing to work. It's like super man but much more sad.

3. Going back to basics of throwing:  The hammer is very complex.  Once you think you know something, realize there is another school of thought and even more complex science and formulas.  Some want the low point here, your foot there, this goes there.  And I’ve gotten a lot of unsolicited advice of how if I changed this or added that or in the last turn or on the start if I just… the list goes on and on.  But the throw is always different and no one can possibly think about all these things during the throw.  My time feeling my throw, watching and coaching others, I’ve learned good athletes will always try and typically succeed in hitting positions you tell them to hit.  The problem is, if they can’t hit it the right way, they’ll find another way and it’s usually wrong.

Koji told me throwing is like signing your name, your signature.  Different every time but distinctly yours.  You could go slow and be meticulous and write in block letters and it would be the same every time, but it wouldn’t be a good signature and lack the artistic qualities.  Kibwe and Crystal told me they doesn’t think about where their foot lands and this and that, just pushing and the where they are in relation to the hammer.  And in truth, when I’m throwing my best, I’m not think of anything.  Once I sit back and start the push, the throws seems to carry itself.  I believe getting too bogged down in details has been a problem.

I’ve tried to slow it down and hit position and it ends up looking like connect the dots instead of Rembrandt.   This year, I’m not trying to do anything special, just the basics.

I’m not going to neglect drills this year!  Last year, I didn’t find a job for the first 5 months I was in Colorado.  This meant plenty of time for recovery and training and this meant more drills and focus at training.  I wasn’t trying to get through my 20-25 throws and rushed to the porta-potty and then off to work.  I had time to do the little things right.  I’m getting back to that.  I start every practice with some sort of specific drill that flows directly into my throwing.  I don’t just do drills to get through them or simply to warm up.  It’s neuromuscular activation at it’s best.

Right now I’m working on my start: catching it high on the wind and pushing with my right side while keeping more weight on my left.  When my start is balanced and doing good things, it follows in to the rest of the turns.  Along with that, I’m focus on sitting back against the hammer and smoothing out the transition between my turns.  With all the things I could think about, I think setting up a balance throw pushing from the right with sitting back against the hammer and smooth transitions is all I need to get me over the hump.

So yeah, My 29th birthday came and passed a few Sundays ago on the 6th.  Though I didn’t do anything on that day, it gave me time to reflect.  I picked up my first hammer almost 12 years ago.  I’ve put in a lot of time and effort.  I’ve done a lot of things right, I’ve stumbled on things by accident, and yes, I’ve made some wrong decisions that resulted in not great things happening.  But I’m learning, I’m learning every day and I’m getting better.  I guess you can still teach an old dog new tricks, but nothing is wrong with brushing up and perfecting the oldies but goodies either.

Happy training and learning to appreciate every moment of it… doesn’t last forever.

A little birthday trinket from friends to remind me of what I'm training for!

Everyone wants to know the secret to success, to being great.  We’d like to think there is a secret (and highly complex) formula that will amount to what we’ve always wanted.  We see the best in our sport, watch their flawless movements, the power, how “easy” it looks and we want to know what secrets they’ve uncovered to reaching such greatness.  However, while yes, there are steps that need to be taken to reach such mastery, it’s not as complex as we’d like to think it.

I get a lot of emails and messages from young throwers, master throwers, coaches, who have questions about my personal training, thoughts on training and I’m sure there are even more coaches and throwers who pay top money for clinics, talks, books and tapes from some of the greatest throwers and coaches of our time just to get let in on the secret.

I’m asked very specific questions, questions I myself have asked dozens of times, all in hopes of finding the secret.  What drills do you do?  How long?  What lifts are best?  How much do you lift?  When do you lift?  How often do you throw?  How many throws do you take? And the list goes on and on.

But the secret doesn’t necessarily lie in a precise formula.  Believe me, I’ve traveled the world and spoken with so many athletes/coaches and tried so many different types of training methods.  While there are trying styles that are better than others, some you feel better than others, some that are just plain silly or dangerous, there isn’t a right and wrong way to success.  They way the Germans train, the way the Russians train, the way the #1 and number #5 athlete all have their own systems.

So what is the secret to success if there isn’t a, well, secret?

Mastery of the basics.

Just that plain and simple.   They do the common, uncommonly well.  They are virtuosos in their fields.  They are controlled, balanced, and efficient.  Yes, they train hard and are strong and fast.  But there are people much stronger, much faster that cannot replicate the same technique.

There is no set weights one can lift, one set speed one can reach that will guarantee the same results.  The secret is and will always be technique.

Okay, so that’s no secret.

Well, when people tell me about how many drills they do and sometimes it’s a crazy number, I wonder what the drills look like?  Are they practice with precision or simply run through quickly in order to finish?  Are they deliberate or are numbered?  Are they quality or are they quantity?  When they throw in training?  How is the quality of the throw?  What is the focus of the practice, of each throw?  Long wires, short wires, overweight, underweight?  When you stop asking yourself what more you can add or change and how better to add quality to your training, you will start to find success.

Believe me, as someone who has tried many school of thoughts, success comes down to the basic of technique and fitness again and again.  First and foremost, practice as much and as often to have focused, quality training in order to master the basic skills of your throw.  Second, meet the physical training requirements to be optimally fit without sacrificing time and energy away from your technique or losing physical needed qualities.. i.e. don’t train so much strength you’re to slow or spend so much time training outside throwing you don’t have energy to recover or train quality thrower.

This is said again and again by some of the top minds in the throwing world.  In fact, I’ve heard people’s displeasure with some of the top minds who share this secret.  They say, “that can’t be it!”  However, I believe many will find once they’ve mastered the very simplest basics, the need for complex training cycles and throwing will not be needed.

I was tempted at buying this, but am saving up for the track season.

The Start Has Arrived

So the start of my season has arrived.   Monday morning was cold! I wake up by 6:45am to pack my bags for the long day ahead.  It was only about 36 degrees when I arrived at the track and I got started into my drills and throws and that’s when the thoughts set in.  Are you going to be able to do this?  Have you lost it?  It feels so hard.  I’m starting over from scratch!  For some reason, my inner monologue likes to second guess everything I do…  It’s cold and I know that I can skip out on reps and no one will know.  I know the only person keeping me here is me… but I stay and I work hard.

At the end of my almost two hours of warm-up, drills, throws, and light conditioning, I change in my honorary locker room/ track handicap porta-potty before heading to work.  I work my shift until close then hurry to the gym to lift getting home around 745-8 to make dinner, eat by myself, play with my dog (the high light of most days), and then go to bed before doing it all tomorrow…

It’s the first day and it felt miserable…  The comments from friends and family who ask why I continue to do this to myself start to wear on me.  The thoughts of why I devote some much time to something which no one cares about and little support when I could be pursuing more stability in my life weigh heavily on my mind.

Tuesday I have off work now, so it gives me a mental refresher that I didn’t have last year.  As I show up to practice, Coach Bedard is there.  Coach Bedard, after us knowing one another for almost 11 years now, is more than a coach.  He gives me advice, knows what’s going on in my life and can see the connection between the outside world and the hammer circle.

In between drills and throws, we talk about what’s going on in my life: how’s work, how’s life/family, am I still single  (um, yeah! lol).  While I’m throwing, I mention how much I dislike the start of the season.  It feels like I’ve lost everything and I’m starting over and my goals feel so far away.

That’s when the advice comes in.  He asked me if there was anything else I wanted to do right now, because you know, this whole situation is a choice, I choose to be here.  I think about it and no, there is no where I’d rather be than in this 40 degree weather throwing the hammer.  I want so badly to throw further, to be the best I can be.  Because I love it and I know there is more in me.  I know there is a 75m throw within me and I will do anything to find it.  I believe it’s there and am willing to make these sacrifices, not for USATF, not to prove to someone else, certainly not for fame and money, but for myself.

He talks about his time with Casey Malone, they’ve been working together for over 15 years.  Casey is still trying to figure things out, figure out the discus.  He’s had to made some hard choices as well and despite his success over the years, has fought every year for everything he’s gotten.  Even this year, trying to work through an injury, he fights.

But the difference is Casey enjoys the process.  He chooses every year to come back and looks at each year as an opportunity to build layer upon layer hoping this year will make that perfect throw.

Coach Bedard told me to enjoy this process, because it won’t last forever.  Enjoy the start of every season as an opportunity, not an obligation.  Enjoy building up a new and better base, working on all those little things that eluded you the year before so I could get to my throw.

He told me about the Loree Smith that competed in college who didn’t care who she competed against, or what position she was in the hammer, she just threw hard and confident and she loved every minute of it…

She’s still here, and it took me a little bit of soul searching to find her again, but I did.  So this year, there are going to be a lot of changes, a lot of positive things.  I’ve laid a great foundation this off-season and I am continuing to put in place everything I need for this Olympic year.

Plans for 2012

This off-season has given me a lot of time to think about my past seasons, what went well, what needed to be better and evaluate what I wanted out of my sport.  This last season had some very promising high notes and unfortunately, some low ones as well, but coming into a new training environment, I was able to see where things went off and where they were going well.  The difference between me doing okay and taking off was right on the brink (I had peaks in practice and in warm-ups) and I believe this year will finally be the tipping point I need.

Some of the biggest changes I’m putting into effect is my work life balanced with my training life.  I had a very big hole to dig myself out of since leaving AZ, physically, mentally, and financially.  This past year, I worked a lot trying to get back on target and had a very unhealthy balance.  At one point, I didn’t have a day off for nearly two months where I was either working, traveling, or competing and my work and training days were going from 8am-8pm!  This also bled over into my meets where I was getting in at 2am to compete the next day or arriving the day of the meet…

So, this season, with some hard work put in during my off season, I will only be working three to four days a week, keeping my schedule at 20-25 hours a week which is really nice to have a few days off to recover and give me time to really put in focus on training.

My training days are as follows:  Sunday: throwing/rhythm    Monday:  throwing,work , lifting/conditioning    Tuesday: 2 throwing/drill sessions and conditioning/lifting    Wednesday: Rest/work  Thursday: 2 throwing/drill sessions and conditioning/lifting   Friday: throwing, work, lifting/conditioning   Saturday:  Rest/ work

It’s the best schedule I could come up with that should give me enough time to get in all my training, all my recovery, and still barely pay my bills.  (Sorry, no more buying shoes until I make the Olympic team!)

One of two pairs of shoes I purchased this summer. No more spending the rest of the year!

I’m also trying to keep time for me in there as well.  I write in my spare time, trying to keep time for friends and people who are important to me, and having my dog back is AWESOME because Koji is a little amazing guy.  I’ve told myself this year when I am tired I will actually rest and listen to my body.  And when all things come together I will be on the US Olympic team again this year and it will be my best season to date.

So yeah, it only took me 11 years to figure out how to enjoy this crazy thing and see each year as an opportunity!

Walking away and giving from your dream or goal because it gets hard is almost as easy as never chasing it in the first place.  It’s comfortable.  It’s safe.  There is less disappointment as if forfeit or not trying is somehow better than failure.  Maybe they think telling you it’s okay to give in is helping you.  Maybe they walked away from something.  Maybe they don’t want you to go through the heartache.

But whatever it is, no matter how well someone is meaning, it makes it hard.  Sometimes it can feel like the world is against you and the last thing you need is someone you love, respect, or know to tell you give in too.

Yet, the naysayers are few are far between.  In fact, over the last six years that I’ve been competing professionally and training, I’ve met some amazing people.  People who don’t have to say or do anything and find it in themselves to do so.  I’ve made amazing friendships, had great conversations, read emails, comments, messages, letters, or donations/support.  Some from people wanting to get into the sport, some master throwers, some friends, some parents of kids in the sports, some people from other sports, some people who are just fans, and there are those who fate just seemed to connect us through a random picture, chance meeting, blog, or word of mouth.

Sometimes I’ll have a hard day at practice, meet, or just an off day and someone will say something and it turns it around.  It doesn’t have to be much, but it’s always nice.  I’ve gotten letters from girls in high school who say they want to be like me, or a random message from a fan asking me to go one more year that I’m a joy to watch.  There is support from coaches, clubs, organizations, other athletes, former athletes, friends, the list goes on and on of those who take time out of their day to pass on a kind word, or act, or deed.

I guess as I’m moving into the start of my 2012 season and preparing for the Olympics, I would like to start it with a blog to those individuals and groups out there who support us, help us, encourage us.  It does mean something, it does help.  Every letter, message, act of kindness, donation, even the smallest chat makes a difference.  This season is a big one and it only comes every four years.  As someone who’s been at this for a few years now, I can honestly say no success happens alone.   So thank you.

2012 Olympic here we come!

Nationals…

On the surface another disappointment.  I went and under performed and am left with a sense of bewilderment as of what happened.  I was flat and slightly off timing but everything was so good leading up to the meet.  I still have some meets left to go, so I compartmentalize things so I’m able to continue on with what I think will be a good season.  I’ve had too many things pointing to great to give up now when I feel so close to finally making that jump.  After all, three throws of the thousand I’ve taken this year will simply not define me as an athlete or what I’ve done this season.

I have this reoccurring dream.  I’ve had it for years and I dreamed it the day before USA championships.  I’m always going somewhere to throw and am really excited for the competition to throw far.  I’m primed and ready, but there is always something stopping me.  Sometimes the ring or field is under water, sometimes I show up too late and they will not let me throw, I don’t have shoes, one time there was no circle and only grass and I couldn’t get my turns.  This time, the dream I had that night, I was in a corner of sorts and high walls lined the circle and it was a very tight fit maybe 3 or four feet wide.  I was trying so hard to throw but couldn’t because the hammer would hit the wall.  It was very claustrophobic.  I finally stood in front of the area I needed throw and caught one, only to be told it was a foul because I was not inside the very tight walled circle…

Not sure what the reoccurring dreams mean exactly. lol  I could take a guess.  I know there is more inside me.  I feel it, I see it, but it feels like something is always there stopping me.  Sometimes it’s energy, sometimes circumstances, sometimes injury, and maybe it’s me…  It’s been an uphill battle for so many years with training,personal life, financing, working, injuries… I just would like one year to be good.  I don’t want everything to have to be a fight.  All I want is to do exactly what I’m capable of doing, and everything in my being tells me that distance is far enough for a medal, far enough for the American Record…

Thoughts on This Year:

I’ve said it many times this season was a rebuilding year.  It was.  I was healing my body and trying to get back my swag as Kibwe likes to say.  I’ve made a lot of improvements even if they haven’t always been apparent in distance.  I’ve got a steady job and even have health insurance, I have my coach Brian Bedard and my training partners such as Drew Loftin, Brian Trainor, Casey Malone, and even Liz Podominick comes down time to time.  I have access to CSU’s training facilities and am even working with a great strength coach, Sam Lewis, who is very knowledgeable and attentive.  I’m fitter and faster than I have been in years past.  I’m competing at 15-20lbs lighter than my previous seasons with an increase in strength and power.  My weight throw is the best it’s been in years and my 5k, 4k, and 3k have all improved in training from years past.

So there are a lot of positives.  This year was getting used to all new changes, so some timing issues came into play.  When I started my new job and suddenly was working 40 hours a week starting the outdoor season and unable to train regularly or see my coach also played into effect of the less than perfect outdoor season.  Things outside the track have been a roller coaster and escalated significantly right before US nationals.  I already know when I’m happy and secure in my life, my throwing is that much more strong and more consistent.

I think things will have settled and this will be better going into the Olympic year.  But I’m glad to have this year to work out all the bugs and prepare for next year.

The Show Goes On:

A thought occurred to me this year when talking with my coach.  I was feeling so much pressure to throw far right away early in the season.  I knew I’d taken a hit from the previous year and wanted so much for this year to make a statement.  I was throwing to prove I still was relevant, I was throwing to quiet those who said I was finished or had other comments about me, I was throwing to quiet those (family and friends) who tell me to move on, I was throwing out of anger in many ways because of situations I felt were unfair.  Every meet I went to, the purpose was to say something.

My thoughts were so consumed by this anger, distrust, disappointment, frustration, that I lost sight of many things.  When I throw my best, it’s a beautiful thing.  The joy of discovering something about the technique or myself is something  I can’t describe.  In fact, there are few people who can sit and listen to me speak about the hammer I’ve become so “hippie” with it.

I learned that you can’t fuel a throw on anger and certainly cannot fuel it on the fear of failing.  When I finally let go of those negative feelings I knew I needed to replace them.  I needed purpose again for throwing.   My original purpose was always the joy of discovery, the joy of touching perfection, and the joy of seeing the deepest part of myself.  There are few things we will every know in life that are real and finding the edge of yourself, finding what you are is one of those.   Most people turn away from goals when they get hard and I seem to just dig my heals in deeper and keep pushing.  Hammer is my peek inside myself… lol  I told you it was hippie and I haven’t even begun!

Coming back home is a return to that.  It’s a return to my purest motivation.  It’s not for the sponsorships (though it would be awesome to have a shoe contract! ), it’s not so someone who will likely pretend like they don’t know my name to shake my hand and pretend we are friends, it’s not for glory from my family or friends as most have lost care in this dream or never understood it to begin with,  it’s not even to say F U to all those who doubted me.  It’s for me.  It’s for me to see what I am made of and it’s for that tiny spark of inspiration that continues on long after I’ve retired my shoes.

So this season goes on and so does my training…  I’ve put in too much work to simply run with my tail between my legs.  Though the last few USA Championships have not come out as I’d like, I have nothing to be ashamed of because I have done all that I can do.  There is no safety net in my life and I still continue.  I am confident this will come through.

I continue to learn more about the hammer and myself every day, every year and that tells me that I am still growing as a person and as an athlete.

Next year in Eugene, OR the USA Championships will decide who will represent the US in Olympic Games.

I will be US Champion.

I will be once again An Olympian

and

I will be on the Podium